paper dolls.

I'm not one who makes friends easily.

self-proclaimed loner here. well recovering at least.

over the years I've become more socially adept, of course.

but I'm still extremely private.

I live in my head. I'm comfortable there. 

plus,

given my formerly unstable relationship with my mother. I had/have trust issues when it comes to women. 

my romantic relationships were my crutches. I wasn't one of those who'll say. 

"yeah I hate girls. that's why I have so many guy friends."

no.

I just had whatever boyfriend taking up space at that moment. I felt no need for women friends.

as I grew older, though. in age and in mind. wisdom, if you will. 

I began to see the importance of women friends.

the crux of it is.

there are so many women out here who are anti-woman.

I never believed my self a woman-hater.

I just didn't feel the need to surround myself with them.

we are the crabs-in-a-barrel gender.

we'd rather slamdance each other emotionally. oftentimes for the sake of a man.

horrible.

up until recently. I was aware of this on a general, impersonal level. call me naive,

I forgot it happens in real life.

in all honesty,

I'm a heart-on-my-sleeve/loyaler than a mug/ride or die/ready to spill blood at a moment's notice. sort of friend/relative when I open myself to you in that regard.

and I expect the same in return.

which works in theory with women. but most times not in practice.

my point being, I had an experience with an ex-friend.

that ultimately ended over 

surprise, surprise. a man.

it was surreal, to say the least.

it's just disheartening. 

I want women to be women. and love each other for being so.

to love themselves. 

not to view each other as expendable if "prince charming"  or "sir captain douchebag playing dress-up as prince charming" comes riding along on a white horse.

we should be our biggest cheerleaders.

we should validate ourselves. validate each other.

lift and love.

lift and love. 

that's all I ask.

p.s. maybe i'll do a post on what happened. 

but who knows.

*shrug*